You know it's going to be a good time when you are greeted with with a "Hi!" from a cute little dodge ball player. This game takes us on the adventures of Sam and his fellow American dodge ballers as they destroy those dirty foreigners by throwing volleyballs at them. John, Mike, Randy, Bill, and Steve make up the rest of the American team, but they all look like freaky mutants. Your guys may be fat and funny looking, but they can do some seriously cool things with volleyballs. Sometimes the ball will disappear, and other times it will swerve around through imaginary parking cones. One guy on the Japanese team just throws it up in the air and it comes down on your head a few minutes later. This strange sport was started in Iceland where penguins would throw small sea urchins at each other. The penguins became very good, and are now hired by the Nintendo Super Dodge Ball League as match officials. These versatile birds also act as the cheerleaders and halftime entertainment for each match. The halftime shows were taken out of the final version of the game because they were deemed too sexy by the Nintendo Committee of Censorship (NCC). That is why the halftime shows on the cartridge consisted of Iceland's own modern dance team of dodge ballers Helgi, Knut, and Hans. Sam's adventures have taken him and his team to India where they threw volleyballs at Rajiv, Swami, and Bata until they turned into little angels. "It's unfortunate my opponents died," said Randy after their victory. "I was hoping they would take me on an elephant ride." Randy's wish did come true when the coach of the recently deceased Indian team took them on an elephant tour of the beautiful Hadji Desert where he took revenge for the death of his team by trampling Steve to death. Said Sam about his friend and teammate, "We felt bad for Steve. He was a great player. We would have retired his jersey if he had a number on it." Randy could not be reached for comments, but his teammates say he blames himself. The United States Dodge Ballers suffered again after defeating the Kenyan team. Apparently outraged at the deaths of his fellow athletes (Yemi, Oba, and Taha), Kenyan team member, Kiki, put a voodoo curse on the US players. During their next exhibition match in Minnesota, Bill's head unexpetedly exploded. While a janitor slowly mopped up the remains of the former dodge ball star, the evil laugh of Kiki filled the stadium. The US team went on to win that match without Bill's hyper galactic dodge ball strike, but there was no celebratory party afterwards. The team somberly boarded their plane for the long flight to their next match in Japan, nervous their heads would explode at any second. Not only did they all survive the plane trip, but no Japanese players were killed when the US team played in Japan since the match was stopped short. The players all agreed to call the game a draw so they could look up the skirts of a group of Japanese school girls that were cheering from the stands. Mike and John were arrested for sexual misconduct, but were released after Fuji, Sato, and Honda used their Yakuza influence to convince the Japanese police that John and Mike were merely filming a porno with the young ladies. In thanks, the US team gave them two of the Japanese girls they had hidden in their plane and John and Mike's video tape. And with a bow, they were off to Russia for the final match. In Russia, the US team destroyed the commie bastard team of Boris, Ivan, and Pavel. However, when they died, instead of turning into angels, they turned into little commie pigs and ran around squeeling. Starving Russians swarmed onto the floor for the juicy piglets, and a full scale riot ensued. The US team narrowly escaped, but... they lost Mike. So Sam, John, and Randy took the championship trophy and boarded their plane to return home. They had seen a lot on their journey, but nothing could prepare them for what came next. Their plane was shaken by some unseen force and they were transported to a dark new world. It looked like they were still in Russia, but they were face to face with their evil clones from another dimension! Who knew the mystic forces that surrounded this mysterious sport of dodge ball? Certainly not Randy. He shreiked and ran back to the plane where he had to be comforted by one of the captive Japanese school girls. That left only Sam and John to face the evil US team. The match went on for hours until Sam finally killed his dark clone with a mega-oblong-frisbee shaped-volleyball-toss to the back of the head. His evil eyes bugged out, and Sam knew he had won. He said later, "That was really f'ed up." GAME HINTS: 1. You can pound the crap out of the supporting players that are on the sidelines. Just throw the ball at them. It doesn't really hurt them, but they fall down, and it's very satisfying. 2. Walk to the boundary line and turn around. The screen will scroll to the left and one of your teammates will frantically wave his arms to get you to pass to him. Now laugh at him. WHAT WE'VE LEARNED: We've learned a lot about the mysterious forces that surround this lethal sport of dodge ball and we've learned that even communists aren't as evil as the dark interdimensional clones of the US team. But the most important thing we've learned from Super Dodge Ball is to pull your bloomers up tight and play every game like it's your last. It just might be. FINAL REVIEW: GRAPHICS: 6. They are the same little fat guys from River City Ransom, and my brother says they are not as sexy as he is. Even in their snug little briefs. When I asked my friend Jim about the graphics, he told me something about tugboats in broken English. I don't think he understood. FUN: 10. This game is probably the most fun you can have with electricity. Jim played it for 8 days straight without food or water. My brother wrote a sonnet about it, but taste prohibits me from putting it here. NINTENDO LOGIC: 6. The magic throws helped give it an okay Nintendo Logic Rating, but it's the evil clones from the other dimension that really made it a true Nintendo game.

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